1. Locked Car Doors

One of the more frequent things that we all do: trying the doors of someone else’s vehicle, even though it’s obvious that they’re locked.

Here’s the situation: You and a companion go some place, a store, another house, etc… It’s time to leave, and you have to get to the car. Perhaps you’re with your mother or father, or a friend you’ve known your whole life.  Either way, YOU KNOW that they lock the doors to their car when they leave.  You’re thinking about it when you approach the door, you’re certain it’s locked as you reach for the handle.

And yet, you go against all the evidence and common sense you know, and lift the handle.  You have to be sure, right?  It doesn’t hurt the car, unless you’re one of those over-zealous “can’t-wait-to-get-in-the-car” types.  If you are, know this: against common belief, the amount of power you put into the door handle is NOT proportional to how quick, how wide, or how efficient the door actually opens.

I suggest the Key Method, only if throwing all of your body weight into the door handle fails.

Some of the styles commonly used to test out the door: the Single Upward Jam, the Ratatat (which is comprised of as many quick flips of the handle as possible until it becomes unlocked), or my personal favorite: the Angry Rider (a rhythmic pulsation of the handle which is not too fast nor too slow, that is coupled with a dead stare-down of the driver.  No words are spoken, and the world is unjust until you are sitting down, buckled up, and listening to you favorite Books On Tape).

Of course, there are a few scenarios where it make be considered okay to get into a vehicle before the driver: 1) it’s extremely cold outside; 2) if there is something worth racing for in the car, such as the last Junior Mint; 3) if a Mariachi band is following you because you shorted them six bucks at the Mexican Grill.  It’s not my fault that when I asked them to play “Don’t Bring Me Down” by ELO, they didn’t understand and played “Mexican Hat Dance” instead.  It’s just poor business ethics.

Who's going to turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -- It's delicious!

So, unless one of those three scenarios applies to you, just wait the extra five seconds for the driver to unlock the door.  Seriously, you look stupid.

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